For starts, I have two dominant personalities that aren't so lovable; Choleric and Melancholy. A lot of people find cholerics very annoying and melancholies very boring and annoying as well. When I'm tolerant of noisemakers, I'm very impatient with slow thinkers and when I'm patient with slow thinkers, I'm very intolerant of noise makers. So, you see, it's tough for your girl but hey, I survived. You can too. I'm going to share with you some of the things I consciously did and things I observed people with great relationship skills do.
BE SELF- AWARE
Know thyself. You must understand yourself before you can successfully build lasting relationships with people. What are your dominant temperaments? Chances are melancholy is one of them just because you're a creative but don't quote me please. Take a test. There are loads of tests online. Once you understand your temperament and other temperaments, it'll help you understand how people behave and it'll help you know what areas of your temperaments you need to work on. See, it is okay to want people to accept you for who you are, but question is, would you accept people if they were who you are? we're all work in progress so don't stop working on yourself.
CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY
You know the saying; birds of the same feather flock together. You can't be friends with people who thrive on drama and expect sane people to let you into their lives. Nobody has time to get to know the real you no matter how nice and peaceful you are. People are going to judge you by the friends you keep, it is what it is. I personally had to cut off from certain friends at a time. I felt lonely for sometime but with time I began to attract the kind of people I wanted to be friends with and today I couldn't be more proud of my circle. Be deliberate about the kind of people you roll with. I'll personally advise you avoid cliques. Just my one cent though. It has worked for me. I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody.
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR APPEARANCE
First impressions matter. I talked about the need to look neat and how to look good on a budget in an earlier post. You can read it here. The music industry is quite superficial. People will size you based on how you look. One of the most common start up line is usually "Nice dress" or "Nice hair".. Basically a compliment associated with your appearance. So, if you're going to a radio station to drop your music, it is important you look good. You don't have to look expensive, just look clean and stylish. Ladies, avoid the dramatic makeup especially if your cosmetics are cheap. If it's cheap, less is more.
BE CONFIDENT BUT NOT OVERBEARING
Most people, especially females have low self-esteem and are looking for someone with a lower self-esteem to make themselves feel better. You don't want to be that person. It is important you know your identity and keep your head up. Be and act confident. You'll attract the right people when you're confident. Confidence isn't meeting a celebrity and telling them, "Hey, give me your number"... that's stupidity. Answer questions confidently. If you know you don't have a published song yet and someone you hope to build a relationship with asks you "what do you do?", please respond confidently "I'm an aspiring artiste" ASPIRING. If you say "I'm an artiste" and they ask you what songs have you released, I assure you you'll most likely lose confidence. You'll earn more respect if you're honest.
BE HONEST BUT TACTFUL
People are most likely going to want to build a relationship with you when you're honest but it's only a matter of time before those relationships come crumbling down if you're brutally and tactlessly honest. If you meet with a music executive whose mouth stinks, you can't go and be honest and say "excuse me sir/ma'am, your mouth stinks". You better bear the odour or tactfully offer them a mint or something. I'll advise you just bear the odour or go look for another executive to build a relationship with. People claim they want to hear the truth but what they don't tell you is how they want to hear the truth. It's your duty to figure it out before you go telling them the truth. Otherwise, keep your truth to yourself.
KNOW HOW TO STRIKE AND HOLD A CONVERSATION
A basic start up line like "Hi" can go a long way to determine how that conversation is going to end. A soft "hi" with a smile is definitely more effective than a "hi!". Once you get a hi in return, Please, introduce yourself first. It is rude to ask them "what's your name sir/ma" before introducing yourself. Practice how to introduce yourself in 3seconds. Yes, 3 seconds. Give them the opportunity to ask more about you. If you're approaching them for something specific, make sure you relay it in 60 seconds and if you're just trying to strike a conversation, introduce yourself in 3 seconds and introduce your topic of discussion. Please don't say "the topic of our discussion is...." and quote me. It could be anything from giving your opinion on a subject matter you heard them talking about to how they look. You can read more online on how to strike a conversation but the next point is also very important.
BE KNOWLEDGEABLE
For you to strike conversations effectively, you must be vast. People will most likely ask you "what do you do" if you're able to engage them in a great conversation. This is where you get to pitch yourself. You must know almost everything about pop culture and a little bit of everything. One of the reasons my first boss in the music industry took interest in me was because I was quite vast especially for my age at the time. To be honest it wasn't deliberate at the time but now I've come to understand the importance of being knowledgeable in building important relationships. I've started conversations by noticing a book which luckily I had read, or smelling a perfume I had used before, or just helping someone solve a problem I happened to be knowledgeable about. I really can't stress on the importance of being vast enough. So, make it a point of duty to learn something new everyday.
KEEP IN TOUCH BUT DON'T STALK
Once you have made a new contact, it is essential you keep in touch. A periodic phone call or text message would do. Avoid whatsapp except the person gives you a go ahead and if they do, do not IM them during peak hours or late at night. Traffic hours are the best time to chat with a new contact. Please, if it's an executive, do not ask for their BBM pin, or their Facebook name or instagram handle. It only shows you're not serious. Also don't call at late hours. Matter of fact, don't call after 6pm and before 8am. I don't, except we're on a closer level. When you send a message on whatsapp and they read without responding, don't accuse them "why didn't you reply my message? I know you read it".. you're on your own. I advise you give them time, let's say 24hrs if it isn't urgent. If it's urgent, call them. Personally, if you send me a message via an IM, I assume it's not urgent, but when I receive a text message or a missed call, I try to call back ASAP. Oh, I almost forgot, always remember to keep in touch on their birthdays and anniversaries.
BE THOUGHTFUL
It is important you make people feel like you're not seeking a relationship with them just for your own benefits. They meet people like that all the time. You also have to seek to add value to their lives. Getting thoughtful gifts or even making thoughtful remarks can go a long way. I already wrote about the need to have value to offer to people in return for their goodwill/services here.
Learn as much as you can about them, the people and the things they care about. Be there for them and they'll most likely be there for you.
BE HUMBLE AND RESPECTFUL
Humility is very key in building and maintaining relationships. Respect, they say, is reciprocal. Know your level. Just because you're now on a first name basis with a mentor or because he/she has come down to your level doesn't mean you have a pass to take them for granted. You'd be shocked at how your relationship can go from 100 to 0 in a split second if such a simple person ever feels disrespected. Understand that people are different and they only act to the best of their knowledge. Try to understand people and respect your differences. That way you'll be amicable with people and your relationships will last longer. I struggled with this for quite sometime due to my choleric personality but with the help of the Holy Spirit I'm becoming a better and more accommodating person. If I realise that I can't accommodate your ideologies, I'll peacefully and diplomatically cut off as opposed to telling you to your face how unreasonable I think your ideologies are. This way you lose a friend but do not gain an enemy in place. Comprende?
In conclusion, not all your relationships will pay off. Know when to let go. You can't be friends with everybody, you can't be loved by everybody but in the end, let posterity say you gave life and relationship building your best shot.
Photo credit: Google.com
Best wishes
Jesam.
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